My last word for this blog is Asians

I know it is sad but all good things must come to an end so I will dedicate my last blog to Asians. We all know Arnold Schwarzenegger is pretty strong before he got lazy and became the governor of California, well this Chinese guy named Xie Zhongcai was able to pull a minivan with his ears and eye lids at Anhui, China. Surprised? There is only one word to describe it: amazing. Or how Stephen Colbert would describe it “It’s massive”. So how did he do it? As you can see in the picture, he tied a rope from a minivan to his ears and start pulling. But that is not what he is all capable of. His eye lids are just as strong. Next he used a device and attached it to his eye lids and pulled the same minivan. That is just to show you big things do come in small package. For example, most Asians may look small and timid but we are compact (as in strong) and fierce (when needed). However, I do not think Arnold Schwarzenegger’s eye lids or ears are capable of moving something as massive as a minivan.




However Xie Zhongcai was not the only one that can pull minivan with special ears or eye lids. Zhang Tingting who was just as amazing as or maybe better than Xie Zhongcai pulled 10 cars with her pig tails in Tongzhou district, Beijin. This 50 years old woman who is also old kung fu master and a Buddhist as you see can accomplish this feat even though she is at the age of a grandmother. Does this make you wonder if your grandmother can perform cool tricks like Zhang can? If you do not believe me here is the video. Like they say action speak louder than words.

This week word is Love.

I believed I had explained how vicious Asian women are, especially when they get married. But hey, people believed love can conquer just about anything such as age, gender, and sometimes a good beating. Telegraph news presents a 32 year old man in China got beaten by his wife at least once a week. According to Mr. Zhang, he often gets into an argument with his wife, who had been studying martial arts at young age, and what followed were bruises and battle scars afterward because he does want to lose any arguments. Because. Of course you would think there is a possible divorce coming for domestic violence, but Zhang still loves his wife. He noted he suffered this abuse while they were dating, but he likes he style. I guess he lost too many brain cells to make any logical decisions. After all those beating he decided he body could not take it anymore and formulated a contract. This contract states if his wife ever resorts to violence he would have to returns to her parents’ home for 3 days. I guess that a smart decision: he rather gets a cold war rather than hot war.



Like I said some people out there believes love can conquer anything. Well for this Japanese man, Sal9000, it is virtual reality. This guy decided to marry Nene Anegasaki, a fictional woman in a game called, Love Plus. This is a dating simulation game that allows the player to woo a virtual girlfriend. Sal900 was finally to tie at Guam, a country that will let people marry anything, since Japan prohibited the marriage of man and video game. According to online sources he posted a stream of this even on Nico Nico Douga, similar to YouTube. After the mock weeding at Guam, he came back to Japan and had an official reception including a real priest (How did you get a priest?). I guess virtual wife is better than real wife, at least he won’t end up with bruises like the first guy.

Word of the week is food

Inevitably everyone will crave for food sooner or later, but what are the chances for bean flavored beverages. I am Chinese and my people love beans. It does not matter what type dish or beverage they will order/buy it. Personally I hated it and I could not understand their taste bud. Ultimately I had to ask “Do beans taste good?” My parents told me yes. Of course I was skeptical about their answers because my mother is a health freak and she forces us, including our father, to eat whatever she deemed fit. Unfortunately I may be wrong. Bean flavored Pepsi was released in Japan recently. I have heard of tea flavored cola in Asia but bean flavored cola is just outrageous. Apparently bean flavored food consumptions have been so popular and high demanded, they were able to force Pepsi into making a bean flavored cola. I hate to admit but maybe my parents are right: most Asians like beans.





Ever wonder what is our favorite communist Kim Jong Il doing in North Korea? Maybe plotting another threat to take over the world? Apparently food is on top of his agenda. According to telegraph news he sent a group of North Korean chefs to Naples and Rome to learn authentic recipes and techniques to make Italian food. Now he can enjoy authentic Italian food without traveling halfway way across the world and threatened Italy to make him food. Or did he? "Our people should be also allowed to enjoy the world-famous food," claimed Kim. Which made me wonder. Wasn’t there a shortage of food lately in North Korea. If memory serve me correctly he also had Italian chefs sent from Italy to teach his military officers to make pizza, so the country (riches) can enjoy western delicacies. I guess his country is not really starving. At the same time he was saving his food he was able to threaten US to test his long distance rocket at the test site. I guess he could do both, enjoying food and destroy the world at the same time.

Source

I think he is a NINJA!!!!!!!!

We all know our world is filled with unique people. Some people just want to mix in with the society. That is what Liu Bolin does the best. Bolin is Chinese artist who love to disappear in his work. Here is an example:



Clearly you can see he does lots of infiltration in china. I mean why else you need to blend in behind the cannon unless you want to steal. Obviously, there is ninja’s blood in his vein. Before every mission he would spend 10 hours painting himself with expert precision making him unnoticeable anywhere he goes. But sometimes a mission is just too much for one guy, which is why he has his own stealth unit to finish the job.



His spying technique would put the many investigation organization to shame by going up close and personal. Seriously no one would notice him even if you were next to him by the bus stop.




But sometimes it is good to have people notice you especially if you are on the road or on the track or in front of a bull dozer. Just make you sure you don’t become another road kill that is barely noticeable even after death.





Hey sometimes things just do not the way you think it would go, but what matters is perseverance. Even if Bolin was caught he would not budge. Thus leave the law enforcer even more confused and the audience more awed.



Hopefully next time you see the flag of China, you would not think of ninjas, but Lui Bolin.

Butt bewares..............

I like to begin today’s story with three words: “Made in China”
The title of today article is Anal Penetrating Chair Kills Teen. This article has no perverted implication embedded in it. Let this news be a lesson to what type of computer chair you should and should not buy.
This article focus a young Chinese boy got killed by his beloved computer chair. Just like me, many of the audience will get the same reaction: “what!?!?!” This bizarre incident had happened before but he was the first fatality. It was report stated the boy sat down on his computer and the next thing he exploded off his computer chair with metal chunks up his butt. The boy in tremendous butt pain was able to make it to his phone and call his father. The ambulant arrived at his home no time but was not able to make it to the swiftly causing the victim to die in the ambulance.

Death Chair

You might ask how did the chair exploded? Apparently the base of the computer chair was a high pressured gas cylinder installed in it so the chair can adjust its height. Then the pressurized gas was released and causes the explosion and shot “stuffs” into this poor Chinese boy’s anal. Which lead to another question: why did the containment failed? We found out that there were three variables:
1. Non-nitrogenous gases contaminated the cylinder of the chair.
2. Deficient materials in the cylinder reduced the durability of the part.
3. The cylinder was not completely airtight.
Just 2007 the computer chair preyed on a 68 years old victim’s anal, fortunately the elderly man survived more or less. As you can see gas cylinder base computer chair is merciless. After reading this article I wonder where did all of these computer chairs comes from. You guessed it right, it was MADE IN CHINA. For safety reasons this article recommended buying oil-based hydraulic base chair that way you won’t have “stuff” launching up your anal. Now I will end up this story with two words: “anal assassination”.

Booo!

No video this week boo…………….
Since it is Halloween I believe some scary fact is more appropriate for this occasion. Here is the scary fact quote:” The reason that Asian students outperform their peers in the classroom has nothing to do with how they were born”. (article) Now the whole social structure of the America society will fall! (cough: sarcasm). There is you go Asians are not geniuses. You might ask how is that possible? To answer that question you have to blame it on their parents. Asian parents love to use scary fact such as you will be garbage man for the rest of your life if you do not work hard in school. Think about how terrified a 5 year old child hear that from your parent. But a once scary fact does not budge you anymore they move on to the dictator mode or “Respect your elders and obey your parents” strategy like this article has described.
So in this condition basically if you don’t do as I say there will be a very bad consequence. This way they can strike fear in your mind so you will do as they say. What makes it terrifying is you do not know what they can do to you and sometime you expect for the worst almost like you are self destructing inside. This tactic is so effective they it got me going for years. Because of all those, most Asians had to strive in school. It would be very unlikely they would not succeed because they spent their entire life dedicating (locked up) for academic, including their parents in the background supporting (pressuring) them or “assume the role of educator after school hours”. Unlike most people they would American they have extra curriculums outside.
So if you want your next generation to attend schools like Harvard and Yale, this article by Dr. Soo Kim Abboud, Jane Kim is the best remedy for your children. They will mostly likely turn out to be like person below.

Funny Vids

I love how everyone (except Asian) always assume all Asian are good at ping pong. What is more funny that some Asian really do believe the stereotype. Just watch this video, called Matrix ping pong. It has so much exaggeration on Asian ping pong. This video make Asian look absolutely invincible in ping pong. Hitting the ping pong ball with weird poses and even has law defying power to stand on the wall vertically. If only Asians are THAT good in ping pong, we would not suck as much in other sports. It just make me laugh so hard.

Ever wonder what Sumos do besides wrestling and gaining weight. Well here is a funny Japanese commercial for Subaru. (warning: Guys would be scarred for life) The sexy bunch of fat Sumos washing a Subaru in slow motion is just incredible. Never would have imagine fat guys butt naked getting wet. But this Video went beyond everyone's imagination. Hopefully whats going on in Japan stays in Japan.

Everyone knows Asia has the highest population density compared to the world. But no one knows how to put it to good use. Watch this video and you know what I mean. Isn't it great if you can command a mob of people to do your bidding. Have them rush at random people just to see their terrifying reaction is just priceless. Or maybe have 100 people stalk you and then appear in a obscure street is just so funny. It just makes me want to do this someday.